The Long Clear Shadow of Ryan Braun

A review to preview

For about 10 days, I thought I was in the clear. The postseason matchup I was dreading wouldn’t become reality — not with the Diamondbacks two games up on the third and final Wild Card spot. In fact, I was excited for what a D-backs/Phillies series would look like.

Then Arizona lost its final four games of the season while the Marlins fought through rain and a suspended (never-to-be-completed) game to pass the D-backs and push them down to that third and final spot — setting up a best-of-three series against the Milwaukee Brewers.

Today, the Diamondbacks return to the scene of the crime, where 12 Octobers ago Nyjer Morgan singled home Carlos Gomez in the bottom of the 10th of Game 5 of the NLDS and set off a massive celebration at Miller Park. Simply reviewing the box score from that game gets my adrenaline going in a way that, on this sunny and cool day in San Diego, tells my body it’s time for playoff baseball.

I remember sitting in the visiting manager’s office after the deciding game. Several of us fidgeted quietly on our phones while Kirk Gibson addressed the media.

When Gibson got back to his desk, he said something like, “You guys don’t have to be silent. It’s okay to talk.” I’ve thought of those words many times since then. It was perspective from a man who has become more synonymous with October than Jack-o’-lanterns and the Grim Reaper.

If the manager began the healing process, the news about six weeks later tore open tender wounds: Ryan Braun, the recently crowned NL MVP, had tested positive for a performance-enhancing drug. The sample that revealed elevated levels of testosterone had been collected during the playoff series against the D-backs. Braun hit .500 during that five-game series with one home run and four doubles.

Life went on — the game always goes on — and about three years after that elimination in Milwaukee, I was relieved of my duties in Arizona. Today’s game between those two teams marks somewhat of a baseball recovery milestone for me. It’s been important for me to establish a healthy attitude towards the game as a fan. In some of the earlier days, I was pretending; more recently — thanks in part to a resurgence from the team I grew up rooting for in Baltimore — I’ve been living it. Neither my kids nor my wife — nor you — should drag any of my baggage to the ballpark.

Over the last nine seasons, I haven’t always — shall we say? — wished the Diamondbacks well. But my mindset has evolved to a place where the happiness and well being of my friends far outweighs any waning residual bitterness for something that happened last decade. I’m happy for my friends who are still with the organization. I’m happy for the current baseball leadership that, in my opinion, has done an excellent job of drafting and developing players. The D-backs roster and coaching staff has turned over entirely. Some current big league coaches were minor league coaches back in 2011; you’d better believe I’m rooting for them, too. (I’m also happy for a few friends who work for the Brewers and had absolutely nothing to do with Braun or his choices.)

This Diamondbacks team is athletic and plays good defense. With shaky starting pitching beyond Zac Gallen (Game 2 starter) and Merrill Kelly (Game 3 starter, if necessary), Arizona will have to play outstanding defense to have a chance.

October baseball is special. I think we sometimes lose sight that year-round energy is devoted to earning the right to play right now, and right now can pass us by like a Corbin Burnes fastball.

Time to enjoy playoff baseball.